A Designer’s Oath: First, Do No Harm.
When you read the title, you may have thought I was talking about not harming people or property. And yes, of course, that is the bare minimum one should expect from a design professional.
But past that (hopefully obvious covenant), what I am talking about is more esoteric. It’s the idea that when you are hired by someone, they are trusting you with the vision they have for their LIFE in their home, and not necessarily just the aesthetics of their home. This is an important distinction to make, as it should color how you absorb the feedback you get from your clients. While a distaste for green may seem arbitrary to you, it is important enough to your client to have shared it with you. Do not disregard the things that are important to your client(s) just because it doesn’t make sense to you personally. The relationship you forge with your client(s) is the most important aspect of any project. It’s the difference between a successful outcome and a failed one, between future referrals and additional work, and being ghosted (or worse, badmouthed.)
“Do not disregard the things that are important to your client(s) just because it doesn’t make sense to you personally.”
This relationship between designer and client becomes even more tenuous when you are dealing with a couple. Very often, one person in a couple will be the one who finds you and hires you. Maybe the other person was open to it, or maybe they weren’t sold on the idea of a designer. Either way, they are trusting their partner before they know anything about you as a designer or a person.
It is vital that you do not sew discord within their relationship by playing favorites with one or the other. You are not doing the hirer any favors by always taking their side. If anything, that undermines their relationship and proves to the other that you are not to be trusted and they were right to not want a designer. And you don’t want to always side with the partner of the hirer, as that will create animosity as well.
The balancing act is to be an ally to them both; a mediator to get them to their shared desire of a beautiful home that reflects the tastes and personality of not only them as individuals, but as a couple. It should be a symbiotic relationship between the three (or more) participants, so that everyone feels like their ideas are being respected and considered.
The most beautiful room in the world won’t mean a thing if that’s where the fighting takes place after you leave.
“The most beautiful room in the world won’t mean a thing if that’s where the fighting takes place after you leave.”
Pick your battles. Remain respectful. Remember that although these two people may not be able to agree *on their own* about what sofa to buy or what color to paint the bedroom, they agree on the biggest things in their lives. They have chosen to partner up and face the world together. That connection is paramount, and must be brought closer together through the design process, lest it be torn apart. I believe it is the designer’s obligation to do everything within their power to impart the best design expertise possible, but to do so in such a way that the couple is not pitted against one another.
While not a marriage counselor, any designer who has worked residential projects for a while will be able to tell you that couples do have disagreements about design decisions. Their reactions to disagreement can show a lot about the state of the relationship. A great designer can pick up on these cues and help diffuse disagreements before they become arguments, hearing both sides’ opinions and coming up with the best solution that incorporates the desires of both as best as possible. Be their facilitator, not their referee.
“Be their facilitator, not their referee.”
Remember that your name will come up again and again through the years. “I love your living room!” “Oh, thank you! We couldn’t agree on what to do so we worked with a designer – it was wonderful!” That will go a lot farther to build your brand than, “Well, I’m glad YOU like it. We worked with a designer but she just did whatever she/my partner wanted. I just had to shell out a ton of money and I guess everyone else is happy.” Oof. Not good!
The finished design is NOT the end product of a project to me, and it shouldn’t be for you either. It’s the creation of a backdrop for people’s lives. It is the environment that will support and enclose them on their best, worst, and most mediocre days. To remember that your clients are people, in search of a beautiful LIFE that happens to take place in a beautiful home, will serve you and your clients well.
“The finished design is NOT the end product of a project to me, and it shouldn’t be for you either. It’s the creation of a backdrop for people’s lives. It is the environment that will support and enclose them on their best, worst, and most mediocre days. To remember that your clients are people, in search of a beautiful LIFE that happens to take place in a beautiful home, will serve you and your clients well. ”